Um, Allow me to recommend some reading. If I correctly read between the lines here, I think this might aim you in a direction that will help. I was/am in the same place, but I think I am understanding things a little better now, with some things I learned through this book. Try "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge, www.ransomedheart.com. been there, done that, moving on without necessarally changing the address.
