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#74414 01/23/07 09:46 AM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 984
Likes: 1
G
Member
How about a TARDIS?


Ghost307
#74415 01/23/07 09:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,143
D
Member
Don't forget the shiny, candy-apple-red emergency shutdown button, hidden under a plexiglass protective cover.

And an open knife type switch.

A BIG one.

#74416 01/23/07 10:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 827
Likes: 1
J
Member
The position and video circuits shall feed backwards and forward, and starve cathodes in order to prevent servo hunting and ghost haunting. All fuzzy logic will be followed by clippers and comb filters. The right channel shall employ a +/- 5 degree phase shifter and the parental control menu will actually describe the phase it is going through. The manual shall be printed in Greek so that, for the first time, it is all Greek to everyone. Errors of previous manuals shall be corrected to state, " This page intentionally contains only one sentence."

Joe

#74417 01/23/07 11:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 202
W
WFO Offline
Member
It has to take 40% off your electricity bill (opens the market up to the gullible ) and needs to be constructed of unobtanium (so we can run up the costs).

#74418 01/24/07 12:42 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 214
E
Member
I think a plumbum to aurum nuclear converter would be just the ticket, it also needs to staticise your THI using a SIS proticol with APR reducing to minimize ANK

#74419 01/24/07 11:10 AM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,803
Member
And it will reduce its gasoline consumption and its carbon emissions by 20%. Even though it doesn't even use any gas to start with - this baby is engineered to run on transesterificated chicken fat. Kosher of course! Thus saving the planet and not funding naughty schmucks.

We should also offer a full no quibble "money back if not satisfied" guarantee to all our customers, pointing out to any claimants that we are "very satisfied" with their money.

Essential small print on every sales contract shall read:

I, the undersigned, have never met a lawyer.

Alan


Wood work but can't!
#74420 01/24/07 11:12 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 421
Member
of course the software will be outdated and incompatible with anything by the time the first unit is delivered... and the electrical connections will be opposite of where the embedded pipes stub-up, and will without fail be the wrong voltage


Tom
#74421 01/24/07 03:12 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 167
B
Member
And of course the software can only be upgraded by manually entering a 1024 digit hex cryprographic hash generated by the manufacturer upon supplying the serial number, date of purchase, and evidence of a support contract. The software upgrade should take at least 20 minutes to upload at 9600 bps from an RS-232 port from a PC running Windows 3.11 (newer versions of Windows not compatible). And, if the cryptographic hash is wrong, you won't know until the software has been uploaded, ensuring that mis-entering the 1024 hex digit key will waste at least 20 minutes of your time.

#74422 01/24/07 10:04 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 31
M
Member
How about hiring an Asian to translate the instructions? He/She could convert the text to Asian and then have another person translate it into English. That should completely confuse anyone willing to "read the instructions".

#74423 01/24/07 10:31 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 202
W
WFO Offline
Member
Quote
this baby is engineered to run on transesterificated chicken fat.

Transesterificated chicken fat has been proven to irradiate at low frequency EMF. Compound this with the influx of asian bird flu cases and we have a real liability issue.
I'm not sure this should be included unless we verify a low trans-fat saturability ratio and publish a disclaimer for impotency.

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