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1 members (ale348),
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Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 984 Likes: 1
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Ghost307
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,143
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Don't forget the shiny, candy-apple-red emergency shutdown button, hidden under a plexiglass protective cover.
And an open knife type switch.
A BIG one.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 827 Likes: 1
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The position and video circuits shall feed backwards and forward, and starve cathodes in order to prevent servo hunting and ghost haunting. All fuzzy logic will be followed by clippers and comb filters. The right channel shall employ a +/- 5 degree phase shifter and the parental control menu will actually describe the phase it is going through. The manual shall be printed in Greek so that, for the first time, it is all Greek to everyone. Errors of previous manuals shall be corrected to state, " This page intentionally contains only one sentence."
Joe
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 202
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It has to take 40% off your electricity bill (opens the market up to the gullible ) and needs to be constructed of unobtanium (so we can run up the costs).
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 214
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I think a plumbum to aurum nuclear converter would be just the ticket, it also needs to staticise your THI using a SIS proticol with APR reducing to minimize ANK
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,803
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And it will reduce its gasoline consumption and its carbon emissions by 20%. Even though it doesn't even use any gas to start with - this baby is engineered to run on transesterificated chicken fat. Kosher of course! Thus saving the planet and not funding naughty schmucks.
We should also offer a full no quibble "money back if not satisfied" guarantee to all our customers, pointing out to any claimants that we are "very satisfied" with their money.
Essential small print on every sales contract shall read:
I, the undersigned, have never met a lawyer.
Alan
Wood work but can't!
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 421
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of course the software will be outdated and incompatible with anything by the time the first unit is delivered... and the electrical connections will be opposite of where the embedded pipes stub-up, and will without fail be the wrong voltage
Tom
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 167
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And of course the software can only be upgraded by manually entering a 1024 digit hex cryprographic hash generated by the manufacturer upon supplying the serial number, date of purchase, and evidence of a support contract. The software upgrade should take at least 20 minutes to upload at 9600 bps from an RS-232 port from a PC running Windows 3.11 (newer versions of Windows not compatible). And, if the cryptographic hash is wrong, you won't know until the software has been uploaded, ensuring that mis-entering the 1024 hex digit key will waste at least 20 minutes of your time.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 31
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How about hiring an Asian to translate the instructions? He/She could convert the text to Asian and then have another person translate it into English. That should completely confuse anyone willing to "read the instructions".
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 202
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this baby is engineered to run on transesterificated chicken fat. Transesterificated chicken fat has been proven to irradiate at low frequency EMF. Compound this with the influx of asian bird flu cases and we have a real liability issue. I'm not sure this should be included unless we verify a low trans-fat saturability ratio and publish a disclaimer for impotency.
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Posts: 28
Joined: February 2011
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