We should combine marc's idea of a never ending story, and the thread about the turbo-encabulator, and we should design our own product.

What you think?

Well to start with is NEEDS to be in a NEMA 4X enclosure, perhaps 6' x 6' x 4'?

Nah...let's offer it in either a NEMA 6S enclosure, or a ventilated explosion-proof housing...

It certainly needs a big red LED numeric display, ominously counting down to something.

It should also have rodium based diametric integrated controls with sub-atomic analyzers for frequency evaporation.

Standby / backup? A fuel cell? Get one sent back from the orbiting space station, recharge it, and we're good to go!

Grov

It suggest a fish tape that plays music, [ the iRod ]. With a built in camera to see where it's not going. LCD flat screen to watch the game. With flashing diodes. And a little holder doohickey for your soda.

it should have de-tapered counter thrust locking bearings to re-align the monopolar dual gated non-interlaced,........

It should be able to turn an old trailer into swiss cheese in one hour, and auto-strip the copper wire...

Ian A.

Ian, it has to be original. Your ex-neighbors already did that!

Darn it!

Ian (Reinventing the backhoe!) A.

A flashing blue light behind your ear like the Bluetooth gizmo has. It serves no purpose, you can't even see it yourself, but others can see that you're "connected" and doing highly technical something or other.....

It would also have to employ a harmonized nuetronic symbolizer to reduce worble vibration.

and of course it has to maintain a hydrogen deficency rating of m3 of less.

It will obviously conform to intranational regulations and will be CE-UL-CSA-UK-TUV-USSR-CenELEC-FPL-BGE-EIEIO safety approval marked.

It will work on 25-450 Hz, 18-624 Volts AC/DC with separate case, earth, PE, and L1-L7 phase connections. It can also be wired with separate dedicated neutrals for use in movie theaters and high end home audio rooms.

Larry C

all of the copper in it has built in rfid tags.

how about a static anti-displacement byte dwinkalizer? and all the conductors are cryogenically treated for "maximum performance" plus something on or in it should be plated in either sliver or gold...

Don't forget "deoxygenated"

And a motorised caddy for the 200AH battery pack.

It's got to levitate, too. And talk in one of those messed-up computer voices.


"What are you doing, Dave...?"


I love the iRod with drink holder. And LED countdown. Beautiful.

How about a TARDIS?

Don't forget the shiny, candy-apple-red emergency shutdown button, hidden under a plexiglass protective cover.

And an open knife type switch.

A BIG one.

The position and video circuits shall feed backwards and forward, and starve cathodes in order to prevent servo hunting and ghost haunting. All fuzzy logic will be followed by clippers and comb filters. The right channel shall employ a +/- 5 degree phase shifter and the parental control menu will actually describe the phase it is going through. The manual shall be printed in Greek so that, for the first time, it is all Greek to everyone. Errors of previous manuals shall be corrected to state, " This page intentionally contains only one sentence."

Joe

It has to take 40% off your electricity bill (opens the market up to the gullible ) and needs to be constructed of unobtanium (so we can run up the costs).

I think a plumbum to aurum nuclear converter would be just the ticket, it also needs to staticise your THI using a SIS proticol with APR reducing to minimize ANK

And it will reduce its gasoline consumption and its carbon emissions by 20%. Even though it doesn't even use any gas to start with - this baby is engineered to run on transesterificated chicken fat. Kosher of course! Thus saving the planet and not funding naughty schmucks.

We should also offer a full no quibble "money back if not satisfied" guarantee to all our customers, pointing out to any claimants that we are "very satisfied" with their money.

Essential small print on every sales contract shall read:

I, the undersigned, have never met a lawyer.

Alan

of course the software will be outdated and incompatible with anything by the time the first unit is delivered... and the electrical connections will be opposite of where the embedded pipes stub-up, and will without fail be the wrong voltage

And of course the software can only be upgraded by manually entering a 1024 digit hex cryprographic hash generated by the manufacturer upon supplying the serial number, date of purchase, and evidence of a support contract. The software upgrade should take at least 20 minutes to upload at 9600 bps from an RS-232 port from a PC running Windows 3.11 (newer versions of Windows not compatible). And, if the cryptographic hash is wrong, you won't know until the software has been uploaded, ensuring that mis-entering the 1024 hex digit key will waste at least 20 minutes of your time.

How about hiring an Asian to translate the instructions? He/She could convert the text to Asian and then have another person translate it into English. That should completely confuse anyone willing to "read the instructions".

Transesterificated chicken fat has been proven to irradiate at low frequency EMF. Compound this with the influx of asian bird flu cases and we have a real liability issue.
I'm not sure this should be included unless we verify a low trans-fat saturability ratio and publish a disclaimer for impotency.

You can publish a disclaimer for impotency but I'm afraid it won't stand up in court. I think that is what the dingle arm was supposed to fix in the first place.
Joe

You forgot the variable flux capacitor! it needs to have a variable flux capacitor! The device should also be capable of outputting not more than 57 9/1000 quartic millimeters of dihydrogen monoxide per metric second. just my $0.02

Togol, how about a multi-voltage power supply, one that can sense the voltage that will be supplied to it, and isntantly change to only being compatible with a lower one?

It also has to be handy man rated. which will have a safety beta tape video.

And it's Bluetooth compatible...

Elviscat, yes the power supply should be capable of "randomizing "as well, because

"You never know a man until you have eaten a pood of salt with him."
and is there anyone here that does not recall that 1 batman is equivalent to 1000 pood ?
This is an important fact because this innovative machine will most likely be used in some regions, for determining weights when casting bells in belfries, or a least pearls before swine....

additionally, one of the RDRs (Red Digital Readout) will need to be a recalibrated Delisle thermometer using octogesimal division with the B/P of water fixed at 80 R`eaumur. But why?

a second RDR most certainly will display vershok per versts, using a>b display(s) we can utilize the RDR to determine double versts to sazhen.which automatically unlocks the proprietary algorithim,......
3 proprietors = 4 state desyatinas, and .........that's really big.

Thus, we can enjoy expanded enhancement beyond the design limits of the machine itself. even if we need to standout side and observe through dark glasses.
this whole process should last minimally 4 hours, if it should last longer consult your physician.

look at the time, I need to grab a couple Shkalik.....before Osmina wakes up !

Her brothers Moxie and Pepsi® are coming over later, we are going to head over to Gimlets house. and then bop over to the town of Magnavox© ( in the old Natalie Woods ) to visit with Serutan the baker and his son Dill



[This message has been edited by togol (edited 01-25-2007).]

In my minds eye I visualise a compact, but high-volume, unit which will be in matt chrome with vivid purple trim, yet still blend into the ambiance of my back yard. Into this virtually-silent but powerful machine, my wife and other assorted minions will toss all the garbage that my lifestyle produces, like slices of uneaten cold pizza, plastic and cardboard packaging, her mother's horrid chicken soup, metal cans, vegetable peelings and beer and scotch bottles, the dirty dishes etc.. The unit will silently digest all of this rubbish, [ and I might even get a plumber in, fresh from his months vacation in Aruba, to direct all our unmentionable body wastes into it too ], and turn it into gasoline, heating fuel, all my electricity needs [ plus a surplus to sell to the poco], potting compost, natural gas, valuable ingots of pure metal, toothpicks and large patio slabs. It will also air condition my garden, stun intruders, peel me a grape on demand and do perfect toasted English crumpets for my tea.
Not much to ask, is it?

Alan

ps. with yups of 'blue tooth' leds all over it.
Those, I like!

[This message has been edited by Alan Belson (edited 01-25-2007).]

Alan,
perfectly toasting an English crumpet is a little extreme,
don't you think?