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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 806
N
Member
An engineer was walking down the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up once again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Listen, I'm an engineer; I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

*********************************************

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 41
R
Member
So here goes:

I’m watching the local evening news when a story comes on about a local air-show. The young and quite attractive reporter seems very excited she is explaining that the elite Blue Angels precision flying team has just arrived and will be performing several times throughout the show. She exclaims these are some of the fastest planes in the US arsenal they fly faster than the speed of LIGHT!

I say WHAT! To the TV in my living room faster than the speed of LIGHT, Holy Cow!!

So I cannot resist I call the TV station and speak to the receptionist I inform her I just watched a report on the air-show. The receptionist replies, that was an interesting piece don’t you think? Well, yes I say but the reporter said the Blue Angels planes fly faster than the speed of light. AND she says.

As a side note: I have been informally been polling people asking which is faster the speed of sound or speed of light? Try it you’ll be amazed at the replies.

Rich

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 984
G
Member
I've got a good one as my background wallpaper.

Someone was quick enough with their camera to snap a shot from CNN coverage of the inflight breakup of the shuttle Columbia.

The text at the bottom of the screen reads "SHUTTLE TRAVELING NEARLY 18 TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT".

I'd be willing to share that picture with the group; but I don't know how to post pictures. If you'd like a copy, just send me a PM.


Ghost307
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 806
N
Member

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 364
G
Member
a blue haired woman sits on the first class on a plane. The stewardess walks to her and asks her to please go to the 2nd class, cause her ticket is for 2nd class. She replies:
-I have nice blue hair, I'm nice and intelligent, I have a ticket to Los Angeles, I won't go to 2nd class
Anyhow they couldn't make her leave her place, the stewardesses turn to the pilot.
He stands up, walks back, whispers something to the lady, the lady stands up and walks to the 2nd class.
The stewardesses ask, what could he say to make the lady change her mind?
-I told her the first class doesn't stop in Los Angeles.


The world is full of beauty if the heart is full of love
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 364
G
Member
Franz Liszt is asked by a newbie musician to listen to one of his pieces. Liszt listens patiently. At the end the newbie watches with shining eyes, Liszt starts:
-There are several new and several beautiful ideas in your piece my friend. It's a shame the new are not beautiful and the beautiful are not new.


The world is full of beauty if the heart is full of love
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 364
G
Member
The stewardess of the Malev plane talks in the loudspeaker:
-Excuse us for the delay, the pilot has found an annoying noise coming from the engine. We solved the issue, the replacement-pilot wishes you a pleasant journey.


The world is full of beauty if the heart is full of love
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 233
K
Member
Man in a bar after a few beers announces that his dog is the best fighting dog ever born and will beat any another dog in the world. So someone shouts what kind of dog do you have? He replies “long nosed, short legged, long tailed, terrier” Third man says “100$ says my 200lb rottweiler will kill that”. Your on says the man. So they go round the back of the pub and shure enough the long nosed, short legged, long tailed, terrier rip’s the rottweiler to bits. The man hands over the 100$ and asks “Iv never seen a dog like that before what breed did you say it was?” “Long nosed, short legged, long tailed, terrier…………but some people call it an alligator”


der Großvater
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
A
Member
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a drink. He noticed a horse at the other end of the bar. He asked the bartender about the horse. The bartender replied “See this big jug of money here? Well, if you can make the horse laugh, it’s yours”. The guy thought for a moment, walked down and whispered into the horse’s ear. The horse burst out laughing. The guy collected the jug of cash and departed.
A couple of months later the same guy was back in town and entered the bar. Same horse, same jug of cash. He said to the barkeep “Same deal as before, make the horse laugh”? No, replied the bartender, this time you have to make him cry. The visitor walked down to the horse and they went outside. When they came back in, the horse was crying. The guy received the jug and was leaving when the bartender asked “Last time you made the horse laugh, this time you made him cry. How did you do that?
The visitor said “The last time I told him mine was bigger than his, this time I showed him”.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 356
Niko Offline OP
Member
Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need
your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've
suspected for some time now that my wife has been
cheating on me.

The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the
caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the
girls a lot recently although when I ask their
names she always says, "Just some friends from work,
you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming
home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I
can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out
of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in
a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time
it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should
never touch her phone again and why was I checking up
on her.

Anyway, I have never appr! oached the subject with my
wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the
truth, but last night she went out again and I decided
to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson
motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it
so I could get a good view of the whole street when
she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley that
I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to
be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it
back to the dealer?

Thanks,






Be kind to your neighbor, he knows where you live

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