Here's something I found on the Net while surfing tonight:
At a recent computer expo, COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light or a "You have performed an illegal operation." 7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you s simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Now that's what I call a good come-back. Top marks, GM!.
[This message has been edited by Trumpy (edited 06-30-2005).]
>A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a >brand-new Mercedes advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, >a young man >in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out >the >window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you >have in >your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looks at the man, >obviously a >yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, >"Sure, >why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook >computer, >connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the >Internet where >he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his >location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the >area in an >ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo >in Adobe >Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, >Germany. >Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image >has >been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS SQL database >through >an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. >He >uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few >minutes, >receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page >report on >his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the >shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." "That's right, well, I >guess you >can take one of my sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man >select >one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into >the >trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I >can tell you >exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?" The >young >man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're >a >consultant," says the shepherd. "Wow, that's correct," says the yuppie, >"but how >did you guess that?" "No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You >showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for >an answer I >already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about >my >business... now give me back my dog." > >
Re: This is funny#132224 07/03/0509:42 PM07/03/0509:42 PM