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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 364
LOL good topic. smile
Stolen: what can he say to the guy with two black eyes? Nothing, he told him twice so far.

The world is full of beauty if the heart is full of love
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 356
Niko Offline OP
Forbidden Fish

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"OK. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious, now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and st! ood and waited. After a several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, What?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" The man asked.

"The fish." replied the warden.

"What fish?" The man asked.

Be kind to your neighbor, he knows where you live

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 55
I had a business policy of never performing work for lawyers or churches. I broke that when a friend from childhood, who became a priest, enticed me to do a project for the church. After completion, he told me this:
A Pope and an EC reached the pearly gates at the same time. After St. Peter checked them in he placed them in a golf cart and headed out. They came to a small cottage with a white picket fence and St. Peter said to the Pope “This is yours forever”. St. Peter proceeded with the EC and stopped at a massive mansion with a Bentley in the drive with a chauffer standing by, a large swimming pool with beautiful ladies lounging in bikinis, and a butler serving drinks. St. Peter said to the EC “This is yours forever”. The EC then asked St. Peter “Why do I get this magnificent mansion and the Pope only gets a small cottage”?
St. Peter replied “Oh, we’ve got lots of Popes up here”.


Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,498
Now that's a real good one! laugh laugh laugh

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by AZSam
The EC then asked St. Peter “Why do I get this magnificent mansion and the Pope only gets a small cottage”?
St. Peter replied “Oh, we’ve got lots of Popes up here”.


Your ending threw me Sam. I thought it was going to be that while this and other popes preached, people slept. After he wired someone's home, they prayed. They're results oriented up there!

Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,498
Joe: I know that one with a priest and a taxi driver!

A priest and a taxi driver come to St. Peter. To the priest he says: "You go away!" and invites the taxi driver in. The priest starts to whine: "But I always prayed for all people!"
St. Peter replys: "Well, but the taxi driver drove so wild EVRYBODY prayed!"

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,803
This Joke thread is popular, if you look at the number of hits, over 1800 so far.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an American were captured by terrorists.

“We are totally depraved, but before we shoot you, you can each have one last request!”

The Englishman said “Well, actually, I should rather like the BBC symphony orchestra and the entire cast of ‘The Last Night of the Proms’ to perform ‘Rule Britannia!’ if it’s not too much trouble, old bean!

The Irishman said “Sure, and I’d like Michael Flatley and 100 dancers to do ‘Riverdance’, so I would!

The Welshman said “And I would love to hear the Treorchy Male Voice Choir sing ‘Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau’ [ ‘Land of my Fathers’ ] , isn’t it, boyo!

The American said “Jeez! Shoot me first!!”

Wood work but can't!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 421
This controlled experiment involved two Nuclear Engineers, two Rocket Scientists, and two Electricians
Each pair would be locked in a room for 12 hours with only two chairs, a table and two pieces of pipe.
After 12 hours the Nuclear Eng's had constructed a miniature nuclear reactor. The two Rocket Scientists were next and after their 12 hours they had put together a small rocketship.
Finally it was the Electricians' turn. When the judges entered the room after their 12 hours with the two pieces of pipe, they found that they had lost one and broke the other !!

Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 482
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are carpooling to work. They're just getting on the freeway when the car they are in suddenly stalls out, giving them just enough time to get over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says "it's obviously a mechanical problem. We'll have to get out and take a look at the engine..."

The electrical engineer says " no, no it's not. It's an electrical problem. We'll need to get out and trace the problem out until we discover a discontinuity or a short..."

The software engineer says "I know, let's just get out and get back in again..."

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,803
The police arrested two kids yesterday.
One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating firecrackers.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Wood work but can't!
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