In all seriousness, it's really, really hard to make solar cells. You need a cleanroom facility (those cost many millions of dollars), and then you need very precise, expensive equipment to do the processing. For example, the diffusion tubes that diffuse the various dopants into the silicon wafer have to hold everything at something like 1000C (that's just a ballpark number) and keep it there with no more than 1/10 of a degree variation. You don't do that with a kitchen stove or a pottery kiln--you need specialized equipment that sells for millions of dollars a copy.
And then, it takes a HUGE amount of knowledge to be able to get the silicon process right. You're generally talking about a whole team of people with PhDs and years of experience under their belts.
The moral of this story: Don't try this at home!
