Here is something I found a while back, which is a sadistic look at Construction Management.
I think everyone will like this stuff:
The Real Dictionary of Construction Terminology
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney--usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor - Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer - Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.
Needs a few more items in there - such as:
Schedule: Printed tool to increase production via extortion.
Submittals: Documents which place your payments in a locked safe, while the persons required to approve them take off to Tahiti for 2 Months on the day of submission, then do not review said documents for an additional 6 weeks after returning to work.
RFI: A written plead for an answer, which gets placed into the Black Hole on someone's desk - never to be replied upon, until the 3rd copy gets E-mailed to everyone possible.
FWO: The beginning of free work!
Lead-Time: The time it takes to get anything, which makes sense to you, but not to the people who must approve submittals.
I'll come up with some others later.
Scott
