I could swear you just described my neighbor and I'd be looking you up for referrals were it not for the fact that I attended this particular neighbor's funeral some time ago.
You described the same household conditions - a beautiful home in some sort of refurbishing limbo, sparse facilities for actual household operations, new or upgraded items which never will meet with approval, and an obviously lonely and not-well-attended elderly woman. In my case, I stood my ground (like when she had the county come over and tear out my driveway interface to the street the week of my garage sale so they could redo it and the other neighbor's to improve the water run-off for the whole cul de sac) and didn't let her badger me back into a corner. I could be right or wrong but I wasn't going to be over-ruled on things I was truly in charge of or knew more about. I ended up being the person who would go over and change her pain patch after she suffered a stroke and they wanted it placed where she couldn't take it off - in between her arthritic shoulders on her back. I also went to her rescue when she was essentially trapped in her car unable to get the seatbelt undone due to her arthritis. I could not for the life of me figure out who in the heck was honking their horn until I saw the wisp of gray above her headrest in the car in the open garage. (Incidentally, I told her to get faster results, start the car up again and drive into MY driveway and honk.) She never got to the point of being a sweet little old lady but we had many interesting conversations about her early career and our shared love of gardening.
So, my advice is this: decide that you're either going to commit to making her safer even if she protests or you're not going to get further involved. Know that you'll suffer some of the same fate as the other tradespeople though. If you stay on for more work, have the understanding that she's not going to like the 'new' safety features like the cord prongs which mandate the correct position in the outlet, etc. Mark her cords with an orange or other easily visible, non-removable dot on the upper side of the plug so she'll know that it's going to go into the outlet the first try if she can see the dot on the top of the cord.
If you're interested in being the good guy you seem to be, become her handy-man (of sorts) and know that you're doing a good thing for someone who has no one else. My neighbor's son actually apologized to everyone who attended her funeral and I thought, "If you'd been around she might have been happier. Perhaps you didn't know your mom's gentler side or find out what her interests were." I did tell him that there were many rewarding moments in knowing his mom as a neighbor but didn't mention that I believed some of that rapport stemmed from standing my ground without being bitter or wounded by her initial approach toward me.
[This message has been edited by BuggabooBren (edited 04-23-2005).]
