You might also like to visit the wonderful City of Gloucester in the south-west of England, with its fabulous Cathedral.
However, a little advice first;
PRONUNCIATION. Visitors must learn is that this is not Gloucester, or Gloss-ess-ter, but Glawstur- it’s situated north of Bristow and south of Burmagum. The accent is simple and easy to follow, provided you cut out this article and keep it about your person at all times during your visit.
TRANSPORT. The best way to get around Glawstur is aboard a large vehicle called a Buzz. These are found at Buzz tops. At a Buzz top you ketch yer Buzz.
ATTRACTIONS Once in the City Centre, known as Up the Town, attractions include the Po Stoffiss, where you can buy post lorders, stamps, pows cardz, etc.. Or you could go up the Certhedrul. “Ims dead good up there, ennit?” Ladies queuing in front of you may be holding children in their arms. These are known as babbiz. The Po Stoffiss is open all week Mundee to Sardee, but never on a Zundee.
FOOD. The correct way of saying you are hungry is: “Ant add nutten teat all day” - a suitable reply is “Ent ya?” To satisfy your hunger you have to find a place where you can get summit teat. When you find an establishment, you say “Yer tiz.” If it’s a self-service place you greet the owner with the phrase; “Ow be?” He will reply “Notsa bad, an you?” Indicate the food you want by saying, "I'll ave some 'o them chips". You should always say ‘them’ instead of 'those' and 'er instead of she. Hence the phrase “Er et all them elvers on Sardee.”
OTHER LANGUAGE TIPS. 'Im' is used instead of 'it'. For example, “Werz me wheelbarra? I ad im yesdy!” Questions begin with the words 'Wer?' 'Oooo?' 'Ow?' etc.. 'These' is not the plural of 'this', it means 'thou'. "These kno wer the Po Stoffiss be?" "Oy, tis up there, mind!"
Answers are “Tis” (positive) and “Tent” (Negative). The word 'yes' is rarely used in Glawstur, use the word “Oy” instead. If a local is not certain whether a thing 'tis' or 'tent' he will be non-committal and say “spexso” or “spoze”.
In Glawstur you must remember that you never go TO a place but UP it. So you should say 'up the doctors', 'up the library', ' up the vets' and 'up the Bingo'. Housewives are often to be seen going up the shops.
Occasionally, words are added to the end of a sentence to form a question such as 'ennit'. Example “Good up yer, ennit?” Another such word is 'cannus', as in “Cant do tall at once, cannus?”
Often the word 'mind' is added at the end of a sentence for emphasis. For example if someone asks you where you are going-
Q; “Wur ya goin?” A; “Up town, mind.” The word 'mind' is often used in a rugby context, for instance: “Ees a big un, mind.” or “Im played well, mind.” “Oy, im did!”
COMPLIMENTS
People and things you like should be referred to as 'proper good'. You also use the word 'proper' when you want to emphasise another word, as in “Them cookies was proper tasty”. Strangely, you can be 'proper drunk' and a 'proper devil' too. If you stop liking someone then you have 'gawn awf' them. Mouldy cheese is also described as 'gawn awf'. If during your visit your health has ‘gawn awf’, be sure to get a doctors sustifficut. The highest compliment you can pay to people you are fond of is to describe them as 'dead good', 'dead generous' etc.. A cheerful youngster is a "Dead appy babee!". It is also possible to be 'dead lively' and 'dead awake'.
Now try these phrases for practice:
“I sin im yesdy.” [I saw it yesterday.]
“Me babbiz lost er at.” [My baby has lost her hat.]
“Tent right, mind ”. “Tis!” “Oy, spoze”.
“Givus un yeer.” [Give it to me!}
“Werya bin?” “Werja think?”
Hope you goddit all proper clear mind! Oy! S’dead eezy, ennit?
Alan
ps. Ken: STICKS????!!!!! AAARRGGGHHH!
[This message has been edited by Alan Belson (edited 11-07-2006).]