Any truth to the following:

THE DARK SUCKER THEORY
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.
The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle. This is easily proven for light bulbs too. When you compress a gas, it gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark being squished into the wires.
Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. That is why it is called light.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet. So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker.

There's a (dark) sucker born every minute......



Dnk....

Soooo.... Shadows are created by something in the way of dark being sucked off the wall, or floor.... So the SUN, really sucks... So black holes are really just full of dark? Or do they emmit light?

LMFAO. i got half way through the post and just couldn't help myself

That was good. The speed of dark. Alfred E. could have used this to complete his work on a unified theory of physics.

Dark Sucker

[This message has been edited by Larry Fine (edited 04-02-2006).]

skingusmc, you just ruined my theory. I was always under the impression that dark suckers actually sent the dark back to the POCO, which in turn sent it to people who didn't pay their light bill.

This sounds like a relative of the DEAD, or Dark-Emiting Arsinide Diode. This is a device that's useful for creating shadows, illuminating black holes, and things like that.

Maybe the home-theater crowd can use this technology for better black performance.

Another relative would be the 1Noo (infinity) Black Hole Diode.. as detailed in Byte about 28 years ago..

There's a little bit of reality to this whole "Light Being A Darkness Compressor" thing, but it's mostly in the area of Luminous flux falling on a Black Body.

Some of the Ingun-ears I have hung out with, who were very much into Illumination Sciences - more specifically, indepth areas of Colorimetry and Spectrphotometry (sp???) + Quantum Theories of Fields, were kind of going in the "Dark Being Compressed By Light" directions - yet being serious about it (not playing the typical injunear jokes).

The theoretical ideas were more complex than what's given in the quoted text above, and actually made sence - as opposed to the quoted text above!

Can't remember too much from back then, as I used the memory areas from those discussions to hold more important synapse - like what color does the GEC really need to be, and how to delete SPAM properly.


The term "Darkness Sucker" is just plain-stupid!
It is illogical and very unscientific!

Sure sounds cool, though - doesn't it?
(joking)

Scott35

p.s. "Dark Sucker" describes perfectly, the uncontrollable Black Hole Vortex, in which 80% of my Money seems to go directly into every month!

The Money goes "Somewhere", yet every month the same people send bills, requesting more Money!

Funny how that happens!?!?!



S.E.T.

Just like motors run on smoke, smoke gets out motor no good.

...ever cut a dead flashlight battery in half? The stuff inside is completely black from all the dark that's been absorbed during its working life.

THEORY PROVEN!!!