With my mom's 1986 Chevvy rustbucket it was:
Drive around with my uncle to the local elementary school and get some large tomato sauce cans to hold the oil in. Find a huge cardboard from a refrigerator box.
Go to Straus Auto parts and buy oil and new filter.
Drive to "garage row" (deserted on Saturday) where he works. Jack up the car and slide under with the first tomato can and the cardboard so as not to lie on the greasy dirt. Loosen drain plug, careful not to drop it in the can. Drain. Change can. Drain. Change can. Get some on fingers. Drain some more. Slide all the cans out.
Uncle then tells me to go loosen filter (I have the skinny hands). We never got the hang of the wrench - space was too tight. I loosen the filter. He smears new oil on gasket and hands it to me. Tighten new filter. Fill engine with oil. DON'T FORGET THE DRAIN PLUG!! AND DON'T STRIP OUT THE HOLE!!!
Start car. No leaks. GREAT!
Put 4 cans brim-full of black oil next to a dumpster.
Spend rest of day wiping hands with rags and dishwashing soap.
Now all my mom does with her new micro-bus is go to Jiffy Lube.
Dunno about the coffee. No more fun. HAHAHA.