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#161144 - 03/30/07 03:50 PM Whitegoods funnies
Kenbo Offline
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Registered: 04/07/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Scotland
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#161180 - 03/31/07 02:22 AM Re: Whitegoods funnies [Re: Kenbo]
Kenbo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/07/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Scotland
Not my stories but from another forum that I post in so from genuine repair men (not open to the general public)


...........................................
Engineer calls to a machine under guarantee, to discover the problem due to a Bra Wire caught between the tub and drum. Explains to customer that Bra wires caught in machine are not covered by warrantee and therefore are fully chargeable...Customer: "Cannot be possible, I don't wear wired bra's, it must be part of the drum breaking up or something!" Engineer: I can assure you it is a bra wire caught inside and unless you pay me to remove it I am leaving right now!"...Customer refuses the diagnosis and engineer goes without comment.

Later that day the phone rings at the office, its 'The Husband' and sounding very apologetic, explains that he firmly agrees with the engineers diagnosis, furthermore agreeing to pay at least DOUBLE the cost to get him back and remove the offending article A.S.A.P !!!!

It transpired that the 'wife' was a 'Long Haul' Air Stewardess and whilst she was flying somewhere 1,000's of miles away from home, HE was having 'extra terrestial activities' back home, AND allowing HIS 'GUEST' the use of the washing machine as well Wink Wink

The bra wire was removed successfully as well as the husband when the truth emerged a short while later Shocked
....................................
Once upon a time long, long ago (1971 actually) I was 'Field trainer/supervisor' for BDA Hotpoint Ltd and our depot was based in Reading. Outside the office building there was usually a couple of Transit vans backed up against the wall (spare vans).

One day one of my 'engineers' limped into the office with a duff van and I gave him one of these spare vans and away he went. It was early evening so I went home and would sort his faulty van in the morning.

The next morning I found the police had cordonned off the entire trading estate (including The Reading Evening Post works) and hundreds of people were walking about in total frustration and confusion. I asked a policeman what the problem was, he said there was a 'Bomb Scare' somewhere near to the 'Hotpoint Building' and for everyones safety they shut the whole estate!!!

2 hours later the Army Bomb Disposal Team shot by, sirens blaring. Another half hour later they left and declared the area safe and everyone was allowed to their respective workplaces. As I approached the Hotpoint building, 3 burly policemen, arms folded, clicking their heels Smile were standing next to one of the spare vans.

"Do you work here sir?" they asked. "Yes!", I cowered. "Who is responsible for the vehicles parked here sir?"....Quick as a flash I replied "George Morris the Manager, why, what's up?"...."It appears sir that someone left a box of fridge thermostats and several absorpsion fridge heating elements ( Laughing they looked like sticks of dynamite Laughing) UNDER THIS VAN!!!!"

It appears the previous evening in my haste to set up my engineer with a spare van, I didn't transfer all the boxes of spares over Embarassed
............................................
Call booked in last week to a Hoover vented drier no heat.
As I got there she says the phrase that grates " I only want to know if its worth repairing"

Up here its a no call out charge area, but deffo charging for estimates and they are told on the phone if theres any doubt.

So I carried on knowing that it's a £15 local estimate.
Twenty minutes later she's informed that the stat has gone and the price. Declined repair so she is charged £15.
Then I get the "WHY?"
She gets out Yellow pages and says" look it says free estimates" and points to the ad. I say "no it says no call out charges" and do the same.
Her husband duly pays up (not a peep from him.....who's wearing the pants springs to mind)
So I called back to the office to warn of the impending chav on the warpath.
Ten minutes later I get a call back. Yes, they rang accused us of false advertising :roll: and telling us that we should advertise the fact that we don't do free estimates. To which she was told " But we dont do toast or sell jam either, should we put that in!"
........................................
I get a call from a 'Research Centre' in Compton, Berkshire. They have a Hotpoint W/m not spinning, give me instructions to ask for Lab No 4, where the errant machine is located. I get there, sign in, receive a lapel badge and am directed to the 'lab'.

At the lab they say that I must 'strip off all my clothes, take a shower and put on special protective clothing. Confused I asked "What about my toolbox, does that need to come with me into the shower?" Shocked ..."Aah no they reply", slightly puzzled at the problem over my toolbox, "We will just wrap it in a protective film for you to take it into the lab after you have showered!"

I take a shower, in the changing room there are various sizes of new 'lab clothing' to change into, from underpants to wellington boots and 'hairnets' (obligatory). I sort out a full set of 'gear' then enter the lab, shortly afterwards they reunite me with my toolbox wrapped tightly in what appears to be cling film. They show me to the Hotpoint WM series which stands on a pedestal with its own drain tray and RCD power supply.

After unwrapping my toolbox and lifting the lid of the m/c, I quickly diagnose it wants new motor brushes. I then proceed to the exit and am confronted by yet another member of staff. "Just popping to my van to get a pair of brushes!" I tell him............."In that case you will need to take yet another shower and change into your outdoor clothes, then on your return, hand me the brushes, then take a shower and put on new lab clothing....!"

I went through this lengthy process again, the whole job took me all morning to complete. I invoiced them around £195 for my troubles and they paid up within a couple of days, however a month or two later they are back on the phone to me saying they have another machine in another lab that has broken down.............Against all my principles of good customer relations and good business ethics, I tell them to **** ***! and get someone else to take a shower, not me pal!!!!!!!!!
............................................
This isn't exactly work related but did happen while sat in the HPT van having my butties in an area of North London that at that time was having a vice clean up.
I was parked up near a block of shops after buying lunch when I got a tap on the passenger side window.
As if from nowhere (no, not Mr Benn) a bedraggled looking woman had come out of a block of flats and sidled up to the van.
Now at this time, lets say I must have been suffering from an attack of severe green-ness. I opened the window to be asked was I looking for business.
Being the company type ROTFL and not wanting any more work that day I replied" Sorry love. I don't do private jobs!"
Exit one flummoxed working girl.

Once I came to my senses and realised what she meant I got to my next call and collapsed in a fit of giggles.
.........................................
I arranged to meet a customer at her house during her 'lunchbreak from work'. Nice simple job changing a door gasket on a Whirlpool but as time was getting on the customer said "Could I possibly pay you now for the job and go back to work, otherwise I'll be a bit late and you don't need me here anyway?"....I agreed, she settled the bill and said "Just drop the latch on your way out!"...and left.

Unfortunately, and what I didn't realise until a short while after she had left, is that she had re-set her Burglar Alarm on her way out. A few short minutes later the alarm went off, front and back of the house (which I wasn't too worried about at the time) but then a neighbour spotted this 'stranger' in the house and called the police. All this was going on while I was simply run testing the Whirlpool and packing up my tools and stuff.

When I went to go out of the front door some minutes later with the deafening sound of the alarm in my ears, I was confronted with an army of neighbours AND the boys in blue!!!

'Ello, 'ello,'ello, what's going on 'ere then?... and all that good stuff....!!!
.......................................

Loads more to follow just keep off those cigies Alan
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#161280 - 04/01/07 05:08 AM Re: Whitegoods funnies [Re: Kenbo]
Kenbo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/07/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Scotland
Some more
..................................
did a a dishwasher repair in a mental hospital where you walk in they lock the doors behind you Shocked to protect you from the patients done the job no problem they asked me if i could take a look at the dryer so i said ok they then locked me in the laundry room Shocked switched on the dryer to see what was going on it tripped the rcd thought ok i will just reset it to find that the consumer unit was locked in a another room which only the caretaker had the key for then the nurse said oh sxxx next thing i know the fire alarm has sounded because apparantly they had a system where if anything trips out or anybody messes with the electricity supply and the thing is not reset within a set period of time the bloody fire alarm screams the place down next thing i know there is hundreds of mental health patients running everywere and the whole place like nothing i have ever seen before or want to see again and because they have got a direct line to the fire brigade 3 fire enginees turned up Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed so anybody ever asks if i could just take a quick look now the answer is NO
...................................
this happened a few years ago,got a call from a panicky customer,can you send someone to fix my chest freezer plz everything is thawing iv got loads of food in it and i cant let it defrost,yes of course i saw someone can come round this afternoon, engineer turns up with a woman nearly in tears, soon diagnoses that compressor has gone and says to customer will b a few days before i can get back" NO she says cant ya do it today" then she goes on to explain that underneath the food was her dead pet great dane"he died a few years ago an i loved that dog, but i couldnt afford to get him stuffed so i put him in the freezer till i could" the engineer taking pity on her duly went and got said compressor and fixed it that evening thats got ta be the wierdest lol. also had a similar experience as to what was mentioned earlier about the lab, a blood factor 8 laboratory,dressing up in the gowns and shoes minus the showers tho lol
........................................
Interesting true stories from my life as a washing machine repairman.

I needed to drain a washing machine full of water. My customer opened the back door and fetched a bucket from the yard. I popped it at the side of the washer and we both cringed at the sight of two fat and ugly slugs lounging about in the bottom.

Agreeing we didn't like slimy slugs I decided to evict them in the back garden but first, I needed to unhook the washing machine's drain hose from underneath the sink. It only took a minute and returning to the bucket I was surprised to find the slugs missing.

"What the…?" I exclaimed and my customer recoiled in horror …


… I lifted the bucket and there they were - gone. "I didn't realise they could be so fast", I said. My customer wasn't happy. She hated slimy slugs and two of them were loose in the kitchen. We scoured the floor but they had disappeared. I spent a few moments trapped in an illogical loop of looking inside the bucket, lifting it up, twisting it round and looking at the bottom but they were vanished.

A thought flashed into my mind and I responded by lifting up my trouser legs. "I hope they haven't scuttled up me trousers while I was lying on the floor" I remarked, half joking and half concerned. At this my customer became more agitated and she started a more serious search.

Eventually I found the blighters who had met an unfortunate end. As they'd slithered over the top of the bucket they had both took refuge under the small rim. When I'd picked up the bucket with its handle they had each been squashed by the leverage of the handle. If it wasn't for their tragic death, it would have been funny.


Over the years I've removed many household objects from washing machines - none of which had any right to be there. Pens, penknives watches, countless coins and of course, more socks than you could shake a wooden leg at. I even once had a nasty fright when a giant hairy-looking (toy) spider fell out of one. However, I've only ever removed one …
… condom. I was young, and alone with a female customer. I had the washing machine partially drained and tipped back against the wall so I could get underneath where the sump hose and pump were.

Armed with a towel and a washing up bowl, I had my head under the washing machine – tool in hand (oo-er) and proceeded to undo the sump hose. The customer stood expectantly (as they do) behind me. I pulled off the sump hose and the usual gush filled the bowl with a swirling pool of dirty water. A very large, elongated condom swirled round and round and I just stared at it. "Hmmm," I thought.

Although not very experienced, I could easily recognise an embarrassing situation despite receiving no training for them. I decided to remain under the washing machine for a while. Sliding the bowl out, with the condom by now floating menacingly still, I pushed it out toward the customer. "Here's your problem," I announced.

Shrieking "Oh my God!" she ran into the next room where she remained while I finished the repair.

I did wonder how it got into the machine in its unsheathed state, but didn't express my thoughts as I gave her the bill. I realized of course I'd not see this customer again. Despite my good service, it was highly likely she would remain too embarrassed over the incident to ever use me again
..........................................
Customer complaint: - Dishwasher leaking & smells!

On close inspection found the machine (next to the sink and on a suspended wooded floor that was a bit suspect) was indeed leaking underneath due to an overflowing metering tank fault.

However, on pulling the machine out I discovered on the lino of the very wonky floor underneath the machine, two frogs doing breast stroke in green slimy water full of frogsporn!
..........................................
Sold a F/F delivered it to a ground floor flat, old unit was outside and was asked to take it away, it was an old unit and dropped it straight of at the dump.

A few hours later got an irate phone call from the man of the house wanting it back told him it was dumped and he wouldn't beleive it, took him up the dump after a lot of abuse, and of course there it was all smashed.

He got inside it and removed about half a kilo of puff he thought we had taken it.
.........................................
A few years ago I was attending a D/W repair...got the kickplate off to find lots of the usual rubbish including a load of leaves (the machine happened to be right by the back door)...I saw a little movement in the leaves and noticed a little thin tail poking out from under one. I thought here we go again, another mouse getting free warmth and s. of food so I turned to the lady of the house and asked if she was squeamish. She replied "Ohhhh, not another bloody LIZZARD!!!!!"...sure enough there it was! First time I'd ever seen one in this country...apparently the cat prefers them to mice
........................................
Once had a customer call me out to a Bosch integrated dishwasher.
Fault description was soap dispenser faulty.

Anyway turn up to job and the lady of the house was not in,just hubby.Asked him what was wrong,he says not sure but the missus reckons there is a problem with dispenser,but he doesn't know exactly what.

Inspected the dispenser,lid and spring ok.took door skin off,connections ok.So I turn it on sure enough a few minutes later 240v to ptc,pop the dispenser opens.Tells the guy I can't see anything wrong.

Just then his missus comes home.So I ask her what the problem is.She tells me she puts the tablet in dispenser and after a while there is a clunk noise.So she opened door and found tablet had fallen out of dispenser,she tried to put it back in but the lid wouldn't stay closed straight away so she waited for a few minutes until she could close the lid again.

She did this about 10 times then called us out.It gave me such a laugh that I couldn't charge her.
.............................................
Had an installation a couple of days ago, VERY nice young lady, and then her mum walks in (very nicer). So after the usual polite chat about previous appliance, and how they don't last like they used to, I got to work on one side of the machine undoing hoses while my mate attempted to unravel the mains lead under the sink. After a couple of minutes and requests for a length of string to pull the new lead back the customer sticks her head under the sink and asks, "Is there anything you'd like me to pull?" Surprised
Cue sound of heads hitting underside of worktops.
............................................
After over 37 years, where do I start, unusual objects removed, false teeth, dog lead (minus dog) spoons, table knife, penknifes, tweezers, nail files, bottle openers, watches, assorted jewellry including a £500 solid gold bracklet, but the best ever was many years ago working for Hotpoint. I was called out to an old type 1400 twin tub, and was told, " there's something in the spinner" . Now unlike the later 1420 with the metal inner lid and the 1450/60 with the removable plastic rim it was not easy to gain access to the outer spin container, you had to remove the cabinet whole or, prise up those annoying clips all round the top and then you had just enough leeway on the spin outlet hose to revolve the top surround. Inside I found a Dinky toy, two batteries and the top from a torch and a large wooden spoon. It transpires that the womans son had dropped the car in whilst playing on the top, she shone a torch in to see and the top and the batteries fell in, the wooden spoon was her last attempt to retrieve the other articles but when she dropped that in as well she decided it was time for the experts.

I have had several 'fried mice' in washers and dryers but one really strange case was on an old Hotpoint Top loader with a Crouzet timer. I almost always opened up any timer or similar component that I had changed just to verify my initial diagnosis and was amazed to find that between the burnt out internal contacts of this timer was an earwig.

And on the "will not fill" theme, I did a CC2 ( under g/tee call) with a "not filling with cold" complaint. The machine had just been plumbed in so I did all the simple physical and electrical tests and could find no fault with the appliance. I removed the blue hose and turned on the tap, nothing, not even a drip although the tap appeared to function perfectly. I noticed the Hot, copper feed pipe came from under the sink whilst the Cold tap was fixed to a copper pipe than ran across the back of the machine. I traced this pipe to see if I could find another tap and followed it through the kitchen wall, round the skirting board and under the stairs where it terminated in a GAS METER. eek! It is fortunate that although the house had been harnessed for gas it was in fact not connected to the mains. To be honest I have long since given up on most kitchen fitters and plumbers, in my experience only around 10% of them do a decent job.
............................................
Here's a nice one! Once upon a time, I when to a house where the people there had told me the washer wouldn't spin. On arrival, a lady answered the door. She pointed me toward the kitchen, but on the way, we passed her husband in the living room. He had his entire arm set in a cast that ran from the tips of his fingers, to the top of his shoulder.

Can you see were this is going?

He'd taken off the back panel of his machine, seen the pulley, and tried to help it spin by sticking his hand in there and giving it a little push. He'd put the machine on fast spin, and it should have been spinning. As soon as he pushed the pulley, the machine set off into full spin, taking his hand with it, breaking lots of bones in his hand, wrist and arm. It nearly ripped his arm off!

He'd had a segment missing on his armature. As soon as he pushed it past the missing segment, Crunch!

I can't imagine the pain
...........................................
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#161325 - 04/01/07 02:43 PM Re: Whitegoods funnies [Re: Kenbo]
Alan Belson Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 1801
Loc: Mayenne N. France
East End thug gives WM a talking to. ROFL!
Alan Ford distils the essence of the cockney thug, with a near perfect accent and that quintisential mix of very pleasant gentleman masking the chilling capacity for controlled violence, remembered so well from my youth. Thanks Ken, [still off the cigs on day 7.]



Edited by Alan Belson (04/01/07 02:44 PM)
Edit Reason: that button
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#161326 - 04/01/07 02:51 PM Re: Whitegoods funnies [Re: Kenbo]
Kenbo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/07/06
Posts: 234
Loc: Scotland
more
........................................
Message on the answerphone this morning from an older lady. Rang her back and her first words where, "did I leave my correct phone number"
.........................................
Went to a house a while ago to repair a cooker. When the job was sorted this woman asked me to have a look at her Hoover w/m. 'It keeps stopping and I have to move it' on she said. When I checked the machine out I discovered that it was not letting any rinse water in, just initially filling with hot on wash. As the machine was only 14 months old I thought its unlikely that the valve coil had gone so I pulled the machine out and found the cold service valve was turned off. Turned on the valve and everything was OK.

After explaining to her the problem I was amazed to discover that she had had this problem since the washer was new, whoever had installed it had not turned on the cold tap! She had not had her clothes rinsed for 14 months!!!! She just kept moving it on until the final spin.

I asked her why she had not complained while it was under warranty but I think she just did'nt want to cause any bother.

It never ceases to amaze me how much people differ.
.......................................
Know what you mean, many years ago had a machine that had been used for almost 12 months with transit packing in place. The woman and her husband physically held the machine down when it came to the spin cycle.
........................................
I get this all the time as i am leaving.

'Thank you for coming so quickly'

Whats more they tell my wife on the phone.

'He always comes so quickly' \:\/

To which my wife always replys..........................

a) "Don't I know it!
b) "You're not wrong there"
c) "Tell me about it"
d) "It been a problem for years"
e) "His mother says his father had the same problem"
f) "He's improving as he get older.
g) "Never noticed, i'me usually asleep by then.
h) "Ar'nt you the lucky one then"!
I) "Wait until I get my hand on him"

No prizes but which is the right answer?
............................................
I did a call not too long ago, and when the lady answered the door she almost fainted when I said I was there to fix the washer.
" Bl**dy hell......I haven't rung you yet, its only just packed up!!!!!!!"
But the call was booked yesterday says I. Shocked
Turns out the call was round the corner in the Drive and I'd gone to the Close with the same name.
Got two jobs out of it though!!!! ;\)
...........................................
Reminds me of an incident a few years ago...had an irate lady on the phone threatening to sue me for not turning up as i had promised, causing her to take a day off work needlessly, leaving her lumbered with a washer that still didn't work etc.

It took two or three minutes to calm her down and explain to her that she hadn't even called me before, and that it was another engineer she'd called who had let her down...she'd made a note of the engineers number on a piece of paper which she'd subsequently mislaid, and picking up her local parish magazine she saw my number and assumed it was me!

To cut a long story short, i got to do the repair....and have been back several times over the years, indeed I rate her as one of my most lotal customers!
.....ohhh.....and her coffee and cake's pretty good too!
..........................................
You have it so easy the odd mouse and lizard I arrived at a customers house only to find to get to the front door had to navigate past some bee hives . Lucky it was getting late and they were a bit sleepy.
Make it to the Machine and got to work.
Next thing the husband starts swearing runs out then back in the laundry with a shotgun relived as he goes out the back door but then starts shooting. Me thinking Im in the middle of a rather serious domestic despute.? He brings in a Brown Snake with a few holes in it.
Australia also has its good side in the summer went to a house no answer at the front door so went round the back and had to contend with a small dog. Heard a shout and just turned round as the naked woman covered herself with her towel. Didnt see a thing I could have kicked that dog.
...........................................
Those Aussies get all the fun but you can keep your snakes thank you!

Talking about snakes....
In the summer of 2002 we were staying at a friends 'cabin' beside Stockton Lake in Missouri. He had a rifle leaning against the wall which was kind of scary to say the least. When we were sitting on his deck that evening I asked why the rifle was there and was it loaded?..."Sure!" he said "....."you cain't sit here on the deck this time of th'evenin' without one 'cos of those darned 'Diamond Backs' all over the place!

I thought he was joking until we got back from a day on the lake next day and we just got settled into a 'cook-out' on his deck, I had just reached into the cool box for another beer when a deafening bang in my right earhole, blasted me to the floor. I got up dazed to see my friend and a smoking rifle, blood and beer everywhere!!

There was a Diamond Back hiding behind the cool box and he blasted it to hell and almost me with it!!!!
...........................................
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