> 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a
> wreck...
> How to live in a world that's politically correct?
> His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
> "Vertically Challenged" they were calling
> themselves.
> And labour conditions at the North Pole
> Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
> Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
> Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
> And equal employment had made it quite clear
> That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
> So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
> Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked
> stupid!
> The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
> The ruts were termed dangerous by the C.A.A.
> And people had started to call for the cops
> When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
> Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers
> quite frightened.
> His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
> And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and
> flows:
> Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
> So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
> Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
> Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a
> whiz,
> Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
> And as for the gifts, why, he'd never a notion
> That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
> Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
> Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
> Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
> Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
> Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
> Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
> Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
> Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
> No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
> Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
> And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
> Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
> For they raised the hackles of those psychological
> Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
> Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
> And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
> So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
> He just could not figure out what to do next.
> He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
> But you've got to be careful with that word today.
> His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
> Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
> Something special was needed, a gift that he might
> Give to all without angering the left or the right.
> A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
> Each group of people, every religion;
> Every ethnicity, every hue,
> Everyone, everywhere...even YOU.
>
> So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
> "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."