Software Alert From The Big Guys: 

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of West Virginia. 

If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. 

This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.  It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag.  It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. 

Also note the 'Recycle Bin' is labeled 'Outhouse,' 'My Computer' is called 'This Infernal Contraption.' 'Dial-up Networking' is called 'Good Ol' Boys,' 'Control Panel' is known as the 'Dern Dashboard,' 'Hard Drive' is referred to as '4-wheel drive,' and floppies are 'them little ole plastic disc thangs.'

Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Simple command translations:

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter...........A word processor
colering book.......a graphics program
addin mershene......calculator
outhouse paper .....notepad
jupe-box ...........CD Player
iner-net............Netscape Or Microsoft Internet Explorer
pichers.............A graphics viewer
IRS.................M/S accounting software
IRS2................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog............American kennel club records
fishin..............Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA.................National Rifle Association
shot gun ...........Remington Arms price list
riffel..............Winchester price list
pisstel.............Smith & Wesson price list
truck...............Ford & Chevrolet dealers by zip code
house...............Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
car ................same as truck just need two list
cuzzins.............family history (usually a 3 meg file)
tax records.........usually an empty file
shells..............ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
bud.................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
rasin...............NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the car n truck races
Parts...............nearest junk yard by zip code
doc ................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of this edition.   You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

(All in Fun,  Author Unknown)