Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS
98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida
Broooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin'
da commands.

Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It
reads: "WINDAS 98," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza.When
you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you
hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos
screen sava.

Please also note:

-Recycle Bin is labeled "Staten Island."

-The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk."

- Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out."

- Dial up Networking is called "Da Bar."

- Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses."

- Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' the family
business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin'
it down.

- Hard Drive is referred to as "Da BQE Rush Hour."

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION:

OK...................Sure ting
Cancel...........Fugetaboutit
Reset.............Start Ova
Yes.................Yeah
No...................Nah
Find................Put a contract out on
Browse..........Get a looksee
Back...............U toin
Help................(Help ain't available - yous don't need no stinkin' help)
Stop.................Knock it off
Start.................Move it!
Settings..........Here's d' Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN
EDITION platform don't recognize da letter "R."

Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98:

Typa................A word processin' program
Printa...............Printer 
Calculata..........Calculator
Solitare.............Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy
of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.

Yous got a problem wit dat?

BILL ("4 eyes") GATES

(All in Fun,  Author Unknown)